Being blessed with the news of twins was wonderful. There are so many amazing things about twins and making it to delivery was nothing short of a miracle. With twins it's twice the love, twice the smiles, twice the laughs, twice the cuteness ... But, I have struggled with my journey as well. Choice has been huge for me. Seriously, how do you choose between two crying babies? How do you choose which to pick up first? Feed first? Cuddle first? Put down for nap first? Play with first? The list goes on. No one likes to be chosen last, and my boys let me know that every day.
In the beginning it was tough. All three of us would end up crying. If one cried, then the other would cry, and then I would cry. I mean if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? Choice is a problem many families encounter, I am sure. But with twins (or triplets), the kids are the same age. Their brain functions the same way. I guess if you had two (or three) kids that you could (try) to reason with the older kid while making them wait their turn. Because usually, the baby always gets chosen first. But with twins, you can't tell the one-month old that the other one-month old needs cuddles and mama time. Luckily, I had huge amounts of help in those first few months. Some people struggle through their journey alone.
Now that the boys are older, it's getting better. They don't cry as much. But, my heart still breaks a little when I have to choose one over the other. Even for simple things: like who to give the first bite to, who to dress first, who to get out of their crib first ...
Yesterday I made a big choice. Well, maybe not a big choice to most of you, but to me it was a huge deal. This past week, Duke has been battling a cold. Lots of coughing, runny nose, and a bit of a temperature. We've been pretty cooped up the last couple of days while he's been sick. Yesterday I had plans to meet up with a girlfriend, and had planned on taking both boys or cancelling and not going at all because I didn't want to expose Duke to more germs and the cold air. Suddenly, I had a thought, I didn't have to take both boys! Tim would be off work, and I could leave Duke at home with him while I took Jude. I worried about that for a bit. I had only been out with one baby once (a doctor appointment for Duke), and other than that, the boys and I are like a package deal. We do everything together as 3, we go everywhere together. Could I bring myself to separate them and only take one baby? Was that fair to Duke? To leave him behind? Would the boys miss each other? Would they even notice?
I texted Tim and asked if he'd stay home with Duke. Tim is awesome (as a hubby and daddy) and of course was okay with the idea. So, I made the choice to leave Duke at home and take Jude along with me as my sidekick. Daddy came home, and Jude and I set off on an adventure by ourselves. We made a stop at Bumbletree first. Wow, I could park the car across the street and get us inside the store in only one trip!! I could carry my purse comfortably and Jude in his carseat with ease. I picked up what I needed, and then we were back in the car and on our way to Starbucks to meet our friends. We got there a bit early and I took Jude out of his carseat and I sat him on the table and we walked around the store a bit looking at mugs. I could NEVER do this with two babies. We ordered my drink. I sat Jude on the counter while I paid. Again, I could NEVER do this with two babies. Then we visited and I actually DRANK MY COFFEE. I could seriously never do this with two babies. I could bond with just Jude and put all my attention on just Jude.
When we left, and drove home, I felt so light. I felt like I had been given a gift of some time with just Jude. I felt a hint of guilt though when I thought about how much I enjoyed it. Dare I say, it was so EASY?! ( I know babies aren't easy, but seriously when you go from 2 to 1... LIFE CHANGING). Jude was happy too. He chatted the whole drive home and played with his toys. When we got home, Duke was happy too! He got to play and practice his crawling and moving on his playmat, all by himself! Tim was thrilled as well, to have gotten some one-on-one time with Duke.
Life is full of choices, and my boys will eventually learn to be patient and wait their turn. But, when given the chance to take one boy out instead of both, I will probably CHOOSE to jump on it! Both boys benefitted: each getting one on one time with one parent. And, it was such a gift to have one on one time with each boy. As the boys grow up, I want them to be cherished as individuals, not always known as, "the twins", and given the attention they deserve. While they share the same birthday, they will not always share the same interests. I want each boy to know how valued he is and be given the chance to explore different interests and opportunity in his life.
I guess this post had two different thoughts: one about struggling with choice and one about an opportunity when given choice! Sorry if I rambled, but I was so excited and inspired by my outting with Jude yesterday, that it really got me thinking.
Do you struggle choice? Do you relate to this post, whether you have 1 kid, 5 kids, and/or multiples? I love to connect with others who have experienced the same things as me ... it makes motherhood less lonely. Let me know if you have a story you'd like to share about choice in the comment section below!
Thanks for reading,
MRS. + MAMA